Don't tell me I need more confidence

Do you think I don't know this? Do you think I like being constantly petrified of being asked a question? Don't tell me something so blatantly obvious. I don't like feeling like this, but I can't help it! If I knew how to change this, do you think I wouldn't? Don't patronise me, thinking you know what goes on in my head, you don't know the half of it. Everyone is cracked, everyone fears something, everyone gets nervous. It just happenes to me all the time. I don't want to worry that people judge me for getting an answer wrong because my mind has frozen. I don't want my voice to shake when I do a presentation. I don't want to feel like this. But I don't know how to change it. Now please, respect it... and if you must tell me I need mkre confidence, help me figure out how to get it. Don't just remind me.

"Popular"

Sat with my cello, under the boiling stage lights, listening to a rendition of some song that I can't remember now that it's over, I had an epiphany.

For five years, I have felt alone and unloved. Actually, more like ten years, but at varying levels of intensity. Until I was sat with my cello, under the boiling stage lights,  listening to a rendition of some song that I can't remember now that it's over. I realised that I am not alone. That I have friends, and while I'm jot one of the "popular" girls, I am popular with my friends. Yes okay, my circle of friends isn't gigantic, but they exist.

And the same goes for you, you may not have a million friends, but you will have some. You may feel unloved, but I promise you're not. You may feel like no one cares, but I do.
Pheonix Feather.

School

From our first day at school we are told that "Knowledge is Power", and it's true, a good education will help you get whatever you want in life. But school isn't the only place we can learn. We are lead to believe that our grades are the be all and end all. That they determine our lives. To an extent, this is also true. But SCHOOL is awful!
School is a prison, full of arrogant, stinking, adolescents that think they know everything, when, in fact, they know barely anything. The short amount of time they have spent on this earth is barely enough to start grasping at principles that professors are working on. And whilst our minds are beginning to take on the form of an adults, and we are leaving a lot of our childish ways, a lot of the people in higher years at school are still incredibly infantile. Although it isn't the other pupils that are the worst, it's the teachers. The teachers who, in one breath, are telling us to start acting like an adult and take more responsibility, and in the next are scolding us. Still treating us like we are little primary ones! Or the ones that go through lessons so incredibly fast that no one understands. Their excuse? We have "no time!". No, you're wrong, we have the same amount of stuff to learn as every other subject, and they are not rushing it all!
And whilst I say all this none of it is what annoys me most about school, what annoys me most is that I love learning. I love knowledge. I love getting an education. But I hate school! And whilst I love school, I cannot stand it! Especially when people tell you your classes will be full of mature people as you get further up school, cause they're not. While the disruptive and immature people are less and further between, they are still there.
But knowledge is power, and education is the tool that will allow me to change the world... So I'd better stick it out eh? Only two more years anyway!
Pheonix Feather

Use your voice.

You have a voice right? You have opinions? Why not put them together and vocalize them. I'm not telling you to be an obnoxious fanny and think your opinion is the only one that matters, cause that's not the case. I'm sure though that none of you would be like this. What I am saying though is that if there is an injustice being done at your school/work or whatever, you might just be able to change it.
If you can change one thing about your life by using your voice. Imagine what could happen if everyone used their voices for a good reason. Imagine what humanity could do if we joined together for a common cause. Whatever your opinion is, please vocalise it, but also, listen to others opinions too. Thanks.
Pheonix Feather

Don't apologise because you're passionate about something.

So many times, I have seen people get all excited and start talking really quickly and get all worked up about something they are passionate about and in the next breath... they apolpgise. It breaks my heart, because you can tell that some person that they highly respect has, at some point told them to "shut up" because "nobody cares".
This statement is not true. People do care about the way you get excited.  There will be someone out there who finds it absolutely adorable, no matter how annoying a thing it is. Whether it's a tv program, a book series, film series, idea, or whatever, do not apologise... because passion is how we change the world.  Passion is the fire in your belly, and the leaves to our tree. It can be the reason you get out of bed,  and the reason you don't want to.
We need to be passionate about something. Or else, we are uninteresting. It is the way that you get excited over something that makes you you.
Pheonix Feather.

Your grades aren't everything.

So many people stress out about the littlest of tests, the tests that don't even really matter that much. And yes, I know having good grades helps you get into university (if that's what you want to do) and will also help you get a job... but they're definitely not the be all and end all. I want everyone to realise, that while getting an education is extremely important, there are things that you cannot learn in a class. There are subjects that school's frown upon.
You might be awful at school subjects, but have a passion for building robots. Or you might suck at maths but be extremely creative. Everyone has something they're good at. Everyone has stuff they're bad at, but the subjects you're bad at at school shouldn't make you feel bad, or stress you out. If you have to take that subject then ask for help. And know that even if your parents desperately want you to be a doctor, but you want to be an actor or whatever, then don't be a doctor to make your parents happy. Be an actor, because it's your life, and you get to decide what your career will be.
Pheonix Feather.

Don't feel guilty about something you love.

I love writing poetry. There, I said it. I have always loved the way that you can put the verses together and it can sound awesome. Especially spoken word poetry, (If you don't know what it is, YouTube it) and for as long as I have loved it, I have felt guilty about it, because it's construed as geeky, or nerdy, or whatever. I know I shouldn't, and I am trying not to.

You can join me in this, if there is something you love doing, but you don't talk about it, then talk to someone about it. You never know, you might find someone who loves the same things as you. If you love writing, put some of your work onto a blog, if you love music, make a music video for your favourite song, or make a cover and post it onto YouTube. If someone gives you stick for loving it, then stuff them!
Pheonix Feather.

Don't insult something someone loves

If someone loves something, and you insult it... then they will get offended, and if you are going to insult it either A) don't insult it in front of them or B) insult it cleverly, do not call it "gay" because that isn't an insult to it but rather an insult to yourself. Saying you are too juvenile to come up with a more insulting insult. And if you do insult them, and they go crazy at you (which they most likely will, and even if they don't) then apologise. It isn't hard to do. A simple sorry can make people feel better about it, and you will seem like a stronger person even if you feel weaker for it.
Pheonix Feather.

Be organised

Back to school is extremely close now... and for some people it can be an incredibly daunting time. The idea of piles of work after six weeks off is frankly, completely and utterly unappealing! So I thought I'd give you the one bit of advice I wish someone had told me when I started high school. Be organised. And it's really simple to do. Plus when you're organised, it always feels like there is more seconds in the day because you are managing your time and creating a reasonable routine that works for you.
One of the simplest things you can do to make it seem like you have more time (at weekends especially) is do your homework during the week. If you have all your homework finished before the weekend, the if you get an impromptu message from your friends asking if you want to go shopping, you'll be able to say yes because you wont be stuck at home doing the homework you had all week to do! But I'm not suggesting that if you have a project due in a fortnight that you sit and do it all in one night. You can schedule what you have to do, and the amount of time you have to do it in. Then by starting the day you get it and working on it for however long a night, then when it comes to the night before the deadline, you'll be prepared for the next day!
It is increadably easy to organise your life. Whether for work or for school,  being organised makes life a heck of a lot simpler. 
Pheonix Feather.

P.S hey guys, sorry it's a bit late, I had an extremely busy weekend helping my sister move house, so I had to delay the writing of this to today... well tonight.

You are beautiful, and you are worth it.

Everyone is beautiful, no matter there size, shape, colour of their skin, whatever. They are beautiful! If you feel like you aren't think about this, you are alive. And you are loved. Love makes everyone beautiful, for what others think makes you ugly, is what someone thinks makes you ugly. You may have scars, you may have birthmarks you don't like, whatever makes you feel ugly, I assure you, someone loves them. I double promise you. You are worth the life you have, you are worth more than you can understand. I promise you.

Pheonix Feather

Difference is a good thing.

In this world, men and women are made to feel inferior for the way they look, the way they dress, their sexuality. In some countries, people are beaten for their sexuality and the police do NOTHING about it. From an early age girls are told that they have to be toned and skinny, and boys are made to think they have to be masculine. THIS IS NOT THE CASE!

People on this earth are not accepting enough. It appears to me, like they think that they are better than the people that aren't like them, that people that aren't like them are 'unnatural'. What these people don't know is that it is only 0.1% of our DNA is unique. That 99.9% of our DNA is identical to other humans. 

People should be more accepting. More loving. 

One of the main arguments I hear, especially from some religions is 'God says it isn't natural'. What, and a talking snake is? If God said it isn't natural and God creates everything... why did God create them like that? If the world was full of people that thought the same, and looked the same, and were all heterosexual, then it would be a pretty boring place to live. It is the differences in people that make life good.

Pheonix Feather.

Live to your own expectations

Everyone has people in their life that push them to do their best... and thats good! Until your six years old and your parents are telling you to be a doctor. Then your ten years old and everyone expects you to stick at the instrument you hate or whatever it is.  There is always pressure to do something well or amazingly... but how can you do something amazingly if it's what they want and not what you want?  If you're constantly trying to reach others expectations of you, you'll never make yourself happy. They'll be happy, but you wont.
If you are sitting exams in school or university or whatever and everyone expects you to get an A++ and you think you aren't capable of it, the for crying out loud don't try to get an A++ aim for what you think you can get, and then if you do better then it'll be nice. Whereas if you try to get  the A++ to please whoever and don't get it, you'll be disappointed, you'll think you've let them down when in reality, it isn't there life!
Pheonix Feather.

Don't care what others think of you.

There is a great saying, that those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind... and it's true. If someone loves you, whether as a friend, a family member, or more, then they won't give a flying monkey if you're weird, or gay, or a dragon (you know what I mean). If someone loves you, then they really wont care if you dye your hair crazy colours, or if you love to read, or if you dance in the middle of your school.
Me and my best friend literlly do a little dance in school, and our friends really don't give a tiny rats ass! They just laugh at us or join in, because they matter to us, they don't mind that we are pretty much clinnically insane when we are together, or that I sit and sing Harry Potter to myself and obsess over Sherlock (Suddenly I'm Mr Sex... I blurted that out in maths one day... oops!) and laugh like a pigeon apparently. They know that it's me. If someone loves you for who you are, then they won't care. You could tell them your most deapest, darkest secret, and they wouldn't care... alright they might be a bit shocked, but they'll get over it! And they'll still love you!

This is the dance me and my friends do...

So if someone says you're fugly or geeky or whatever, laugh it off and remember that they DON'T MATTER! There is always going to be people who don't understand you, but in the long run, they don't matter to you!
Pheonix Feather

There is NEVER a need to bitch about people!

Bitching is horrible, but I'm not going to sit here and lie to you all by saying I've never bitched about anybody, I have, but afterwards I have always felt awful. So I'm trying to stop. I've realized that if I feel awful about saying bad things about people, how would they feel if they heard me. 

Even if someone is bitching about you, that doesn't give you an excuse! I hope that you guys all realize this. Bitching makes people seem like nasty little bugs, because you don't realise how horrible it is until you hear people bitching about you or your friends. I only recently figured this out because in the last week of school before the summer holidays, I heard two different groups of people bitch about two of my friends, and it caused me to think about not only how much I loved those guys, but how little it made the people bitching seem. (This isn't very eloquent, I know, but when I'm passionate about something, I can't make my words sound good). 

There is never any need to bitch about someone, and if you think there is, don't tell someone who could then tell the person you're bitching about, tell a teddy, or a pet or something like that. Even a parent is better than someone who, if you then fell out with them, would probably tell other people. I believe that people who bitch are jealous or severely pissed off, or both. But that still doesn't give you a reason to! 

Pheonix Feather.

One kind thing a day.

Guys, I have an idea. People these days have lost the faith that humanity still exists. They no longer beleive in community, and possibly don't even speek to their neighbours anymore. So we need to fix this. We cannot let humans go on without the belief that humanity is just a fairy tale and that the good guys never win, because the good guys ALWAYS win.
My idea includes all of you, so please help. We have to try and do one kind thing a day, which might then inspire someone to do another kind thing, and create a chain reaction (I hope). If you see and old person struggle with shopping, then help them, if there is a homeless person on your route to work, then buy them something to eat and a drink, like one of those three pound meal deals you get in supermarkets, it's only three pounds! (or whatever the equivalent is in your currency). If you know a kid that struggles in a subject you're good at, then help them with that. Because people, humanity still exists.
 Everyone has a beautiful soul, it's just better hidden in some people. We have to restore that little peice of magic that we have as kids that allows us to believe the best in everybody, because if we don't then there will come a time that we don't laugh at even the most spontaneous thing a little kid could say, and they can be pretty random.

If you want to join me in this, please comment or share this so others can join us.
I believe in humanity. And I believe in you.
Pheonix Feather.

PS, Thanks for getting me to 100 pageveiws! It makes me so happy to know people read this! <3

If you don't like something, change it. If you cant change it, change your attitude.

Everyone has morals, beliefs and other things that we live our lives by. Some people even use their favourite quotes as life advice. I'm a bit like that. I have thousands of favourite quotes but theres one that I think everyone should know about..

This is something I strongly agree with because we only have one life, and there is no do-over button, therfor it makes sense to stay happy (as much as possible). There is no point in doing something that makes us unhappy. For examlpe, say you have to get the school bus, but to you, it is the most painful part about the day, then try and find another way to get to school. Whether this is getting up earlier to walk to school, riding your bike or getting a different bus, maybe it's as simple as getting a parent to drive you. But of course there are things we can't change, like our laugh. Maybe you think your laugh is  horrible, but others think its cute, then start thinking that too.
If you live your life just putting up with the stuff you don't like, then you'll be miserable. It's not good for you. You should try to stay as happy as you can be. I'm not saying you should be happy all the time, thats impossible. Just try to lead your life in a way you enjoy.
Pheonix Feather

Why being introverted isn't a bad thing

An introvert is someone who enjoys being alone more than being with a crowd. Generally, they prefer to have a quiet night in with a few friends than to spend all night at a loud party. It has nothing to do with being shy. Being shy is more to do with nervousness. They are drained by many social situations even if they have good social skills. This does not make them antisocial, shy, or stuck up. 

There is absolutely nothing wrong with the fact that we cannot stand small talk. It just doesn't happen for us. That's why we sit back and listen rather than take part. It doesn't mean we are depressed. If we go off to our room to be alone, we will be "recharging", and that's fine. 

We might drift off into our own thoughts in the middle of a conversation (I do this all the time at school) and it's okay. Just because we stop talking doesn't mean we have fallen out with you.

The final thing I want to say is that being introverted is part of us. Not every one has to be an extrovert, but we ask that all the extroverts respect that we don't do small talk, that we will disappear into our rooms to be alone, that we might turn down an invitation to a large party to stay home and watch movies with a couple friends (or our cat :P) and this is all fine! We do not need to join in your conversation if you are talk about nothing for hours where we would prefer to talk to someone who shares our interests about something that matters to us. But most of all, please do not try to change us. And if you are an introvert and are reading this, please realise that you are perfectly normal, and if you are called any names because of your introversion, just remember that they don't understand.

Pheonix Feather

Made fun of for my nickname

So ages ago when I was in first or second year, oyr computing teacher made us sign up to this website thing called think tank or something like that... anyway.  As always we were ordered to put a nickname instead of our real name. Now my nickname is Scaffy, because ot sounds similar to another nickname I could have. But it also means bin man and is another word for beong quite scruffy.
This prat of a teacher automatically approved every other person when I know for a fact that he didn't know who somw of them were and didn't ask who they were. But when it came to approving mine he looked around to the computers and said "so who's Scaffy?" To which I raised my hand and said "me sir."
The whole class burst out laughing and my teacher had jusr made a complete fool out of me in front of my friends. This is the same teacher that I had that smelled like he could have been a scaffy and after having him for two years, he still didn't bother learning my name. 
I look back and think that he had to have done this on purpose knowing full well that a class full of twelce or thirteen year olds would find this hilarious.
Thankfully the teasing lasted no more than that lesson!
Pheonix Feather

Cold Callers Scare Me

So today, I answered the phone to a man, lets call him Bob, calling on behalf of a "Local company" (Of course you are Bob). He wanted to ask me some questions about my house. Now, some of you guys now that I, being a teenager, will not own my own house, there for I do not want to answer questions about my home. He asked me "Is your house a semi-detached, detached or blady blady blah?" But before he started asking questions, he TOLD me rather than asked me that he was going to ask me some questions. I said no.

Funnily enough though, I had answered the phone to the exact same company before. And again I didn't want to answer their questions. So I said that I didn't want to answer their questions and hung up. I did it again.

The annoying thing is, is that I know that these people are just doing a job. Their real people, with real lives. Not some voice behind a phone. They are doing a job, to pay for their lives, and they probably hate being cold called as well. So why do they annoy me so much? They make me feel scared and inferior. No one should make me feel like that. But on the other hand, when I'm rude to them I feel bad...

Called Callers are scary

Pheonix Feather

I saw a mouse...

I saw a mouse in my garden whilst I was revising, and it freaked me out! For like two seconds, then I thought it was kinda cute. I think it was a mouse anyway. It could have been a vole! But anyway, it ran right past my french doors and I was like "What the hell, POOP ITS A MOUSE!".To be honest though, I don't really care. As long as it stays in the garden and doesn't come into the house I'll be fine!
Pheonix Feather

Matt Smith will always be my Doctor

OK, so I am completely obsessed with Doctor Who. And I loved David Tennant, and yes I was sad when he left... but it was OK, cause there was a fit newbie in his place. And after falling completely in love with the bow tie wearing, fez-ed maniacal Doctor style of Matt Smith, I cried actual tears when Matt regenerated... Okay, so maybe I broke down... a bit. But yesterday, I watched Dr Who, A farewell to Matt Smith, and it made me remember just how freaking awesome a Dr he was. And also, part of my birthday present from one of my friends was a t-shirt that says "Matt Smith will always be my Doctor" (We made a deal that if she gets me that for my birthday I'll get her the David Tennant one for hers). That is all!
Pheonix Feather
Oh! And he had the best ever introduction!! 

Spots glorious spots!

I'm one of those lucky people who doesn't really have many spots, and most of my spots are the same colour as my skin, but if I have a big event like a presentation, or a concert... then a Massive spot will appear overnight. Like yesterday we had our colours presentations at school, and really soon its my birthday. So the other night, one huge bright red volcano appears on my forehead. And I'm like 'what the hell are you doing face?'. Thankfully though, this one could be covered by my fringe. But honestly it kinda irritates me.
Pheonix Feather.

And a quick note to the people reading this, thank you so much, you guys make me so happy when I check statistics and see that people actually
read what I write. If I'm honest I thought that no one would ever find it. Thank you guys!!! <3

Large alsations

So my aunties husband has two very large,  very scary, white alsations and today they were moulting EVERYWHERE!!! As my lbs pointed out it was like hairy tumbleweeds because we were all outside. It was horrible and they stink as well.  I genuinely cannot stand those stupid dogs.
Pheonix Feather

Fangirling and UFOs!

Soo, last my night my awesome little big sister took me to Mcbusted, and OMFG it was freaking awesome! The guys were all so good and just so funny! And I screamed a lot. I had lost my voice when our Dad came to pick us all up... But they didn't do and encore which I was really sad about. But since I woke up this morning I have just been like so happy. I could see them as well, I could see over everyone's heads!! It was so good. And I don't want to spoil it if your going so *SPOILER ALERT* They have a freaking UFO!!!!!!! Or they did in Glasgow at least... We were so close to them as well.
Pheonix Feather

If your complaining about cool London being dead, why do you have servants?

So yesterday I read an article that my cousin had shared on Facebook entitled "cool London is dead and the rich kids are to blame". I only really clicked on it because I foind it funny that my rich cousin who lives just outside London was sharing it.

Now in this, near the end the author makes the point about how "five years ago most of my staff lived within a mile of proud Camden". Now  what annoys me about this is the fact that he essentially has servents...and hes complaining about how londons no longer 'cool'. This to me doesn't make sense, how can you be complaining about cool if you have SERVANTS!  No one cool has servents! Its not possible! 
If you have servants your a posh bawhead who dreams of being a 'hip young thing' that you didn't manage to achieve as a young adult!
Pheonix Feather
Ps: this is purely my opinion there is no offence intended to anyone! I'm sure that if you read this and have servants then your a lovely person.

Buses and Manners

Hey I'm new to all this... so, cut me some slack please! OK so buses. I actually quite like getting the bus; it gives me a sense of desperately needed freedom. I enjoy standing at the bus stop; waiting for the bus to get me to school or to the town, but what annoys me is the rudeness of some of the other people on the bus. Whether this is on the school bus, the most painful quarter of an hour ever, or a service bus where either there are rude bus drivers, or it's the other passengers that are rude.

Like on the school bus, I had sat down on the only two seater left which happened to be in front of my friends. I had literally just sat down and put my pass into my bag, about to move it into the floor, when this very rude child (he's only a year younger than me) comes and MOVES MY BAG! I was like 'what the hell are you doing?' He didn't even ask to sit there. Now I'm not a horrible person, I did let him sit there, but also, when I got up to get off the bus, he was sitting on his phone, not paying any attention, so I said "excuse me please." about four times before the bus started slowing for my stop and ha hadn't moved. Making me almost miss my stop by the time I'd shoved my way past him.

Although, rude bus drivers seem to piss me off even more than stupid barely adolescents whose jeans are way too tight. It's when a bus driver gives no respect to a paying customer, and you're like, 'why am I wasting manners on you?' For example, one day I was going into town to meet up with my friend and do some shopping. We were supposed to be meeting at twelve to get some lunch before shopping, so I was getting the 12:15 bus. It was late. So I text my friend telling her I'd be late, and once I put my phone away, the bus was almost at the stop. I stepped forward, trying to balance my umbrella and my purse when the doors open and I hear the bus driver shout:

"Hurry up would you! I'm in a rush." I was literally two steps from the bus, but anyway, I got on and paid my fair and sat down. I wasn't too annoyed now but a couple of stops later, I was raging with him. Okay so, it was about four stops after I got on and this poor elderly couple got on. The lady had paid and was sat down, and the old man was just heading for the seat next to her and the drive floored it, almost sending the poor man flying! I couldn't believe it! Yes okay you might be a bit behind schedule, but that doesn't give you the right to attempt to make pensioners fall over!

If you haven't guessed already, I REALLY don't like rude people. Manners cost nothing, and make peoples life so much better. So next time you're on a bus, please thank the driver, don't touch someone's stuff, and if there's only one seat left on the bus... ask the person sitting on the seat next to it if you can sit there. Its only common decency! 

Pheonix Feather